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So I've been thinking a lot about stuff lately and a current post in WTF_inc reminded me of something that's been hidden in my past.

It's about Skye.

I haven't really talked to anyone about this, but I need to get this out because its pissing me off.

That facebook group that Colleen did was nice and everything but when I see people that BARELY knew Skye post "I love you and miss you come back home safe" is quite disgusting.

When I see people from High School that BARELY cared about her and join the group I want to vomit. DO YOU PEOPLE REALLY THINK THAT IT MATTERS NOW? No of course it doesn't, why would it? You never cared before, but now a year and half later you still "do"? You teased her, you were cruel people to her, if I was her I wouldn't want your support.

I pushed Skye out of my life because I knew her, because I had an indifference with her. I NEVER pretended to be someone who cared about her. It's probably a shitty thing to say that I care now because it's like she isn't around anymore.

I think no matter what connection you've had with people, you still will always feel that they are a part of you if you KNEW them.

I KNEW Skye. I FUCKING KNEW her unlike this fake bastards.

I feel ashamed for pushing her out of my life...but I'm pretty certain I didn't help her. I'm pretty sure I caused even more trust issues for her. I'm fucking ashamed that I did that to her.

I'm Sorry Skye, where ever you are.

This Sucks. [Wednesday||9.16.09||2:13am]
I realized today that Azuma got rid of his facebook or just deleted me from his friends list.

Why the fuck didn't I care then? I wish I could have spent more time with him, Meri, and Kanon.





I feel like...I shouldn't be a part of that group anymore. They don't care about me. I don't care about them. It's all good.

So I'm graduating today!

What the fuck am I going to do with my life after this?

So I'm finally done with finals. All I have left is to bust my ass on monday with the macs and do a paper.

Fuck Modern Art. Fuck this lady www.lindaabadjian.com and her shitty art. She is a EXTREMELY BAD teacher. She takes forever to get a sentence out and seriously lacks emotion.


I haven't smoked a cig in a week.

I think I'm over them.

I just know as soon I get into a car with Liz she'll spark one up and I'll be as tempted as ever...

Ahhh why does quitting have to be so hard? Most of the time it's easy but fuck me this is wicked hard.

So I know some of you have known my idea of just getting away.

I'm going to try to save money as soon as I pay back those to who I owe.

I REALLY REALLY want to just move to Amsterdam...by myself. I'm so sick of the U.S. I just need to get out.

I think I'm loosing touch with reality. It's just slipping through my fingers like little shards of glass. Slicing my inner soul. I feel as if I lost my personality...like it never existed. I think I'm going nuts...I'm losing the people I care about most. The worst feeling however is that I know I really am not myself anymore.

I want to believe that I'm ok...everything's cool. I just notice day by day that I progress worse and worse.

I'm going to get blood work done...I think my thyroid is out of whack...cause this just isn't me.

So, went to see the new Chronicles of Narnia movie. It sucked.

Everything's good outside of that :)

I had a panic attack yesterday...the first since that whole Lindsey drama.

I guess I really wish he stopped when I told him to.

Oh well.

Life goes on...

I'm starving.


He is actually quite cute.

Conor: Oh right, I was meaning to talk to you today, I had a dream with you in it last night, it was pretty bizarre
Conor: We were in Bermuda, at some museum of art. And it was all crazy modern
Conor: but it said, no food beyond this point, but you had recently bought a bag of skittles from outside
Conor: and didnt want to waste them
Conor: so you hid them, and snacked on them from time to time
Conor: then we got to this checkpoint
Conor: and these guys are like,"WE LOOKED AT THE CAMERAS, YOU HAD SKITTLES."
Conor: and you're all like nudging me, COME ON CONOR LIE FOR ME
Conor: and I'm all FIIIINE
Conor: And so I try to tell these guys they didnt see anything
Conor: and they're like LOOK RIGHT INTO MY EYES AND SAY THAT
Conor: and I did, and I tried not to blink as hard as possible
Conor: He eventually gave up
Conor: and let us go
Conor: and then the second we turn the corner
Conor: you fucking open the skittles again
Conor: AFTER I bailed you out before
Conor: and that's pretty much it
Me: that was an awesome dream
Me: I wish I was there for that
Conor: haha
Me: and it does totally sound like something I would do
Conor: haha I know right
Conor: and I woke up so angry at you
Me: but I'm happy your a good enough friend to help bail me out
Me: that is so fucking awesome
Conor: I'm glad you liked it, it was one of my better dreams
Conor: I wonder what my subconcious was trying to say

So I found out today Trevor met someone at March Madness.

Outside of that!

My date with Mark was good. Thanks Mindi for coming along.

Looking forward to Wednesday ^^

So I'm going on a date in an hour...

Rob: I think you might actually be scared someone might like you, thats why you push people away.
Me: You know me a lot more than I know myself.


This is what I thought of my weekend:


I just love how fake people are...I mean really come on. Learn to come up with your own ideas, be creative, don't steal people's thoughts, don't try to impress people with lies, and especially stop bragging.


I hate immature people who feel the need to copy every fucking trend out there to seem popular or special. Get over your fucking self...learn to like things because you like them, not because you think its going to make for an interesting story.

Even better...learn to fucking get overself!

Life isn't about posting in LJ everyday....

I think I have hit rock bottom.

Shout out to Mindi and her B-Day! Yay!

At Robs.

On his PC.

Stealin his interbuts.

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