Ai

(no subject)

So I've been thinking a lot about stuff lately and a current post in WTF_inc reminded me of something that's been hidden in my past.

It's about Skye.

I haven't really talked to anyone about this, but I need to get this out because its pissing me off.

That facebook group that Colleen did was nice and everything but when I see people that BARELY knew Skye post "I love you and miss you come back home safe" is quite disgusting.

When I see people from High School that BARELY cared about her and join the group I want to vomit. DO YOU PEOPLE REALLY THINK THAT IT MATTERS NOW? No of course it doesn't, why would it? You never cared before, but now a year and half later you still "do"? You teased her, you were cruel people to her, if I was her I wouldn't want your support.

I pushed Skye out of my life because I knew her, because I had an indifference with her. I NEVER pretended to be someone who cared about her. It's probably a shitty thing to say that I care now because it's like she isn't around anymore.

I think no matter what connection you've had with people, you still will always feel that they are a part of you if you KNEW them.

I KNEW Skye. I FUCKING KNEW her unlike this fake bastards.

I feel ashamed for pushing her out of my life...but I'm pretty certain I didn't help her. I'm pretty sure I caused even more trust issues for her. I'm fucking ashamed that I did that to her.

I'm Sorry Skye, where ever you are.
Ai

This Sucks.

I realized today that Azuma got rid of his facebook or just deleted me from his friends list.


Why the fuck didn't I care then? I wish I could have spent more time with him, Meri, and Kanon.
Ai

(no subject)

So I'm finally done with finals. All I have left is to bust my ass on monday with the macs and do a paper.

Fuck Modern Art. Fuck this lady www.lindaabadjian.com and her shitty art. She is a EXTREMELY BAD teacher. She takes forever to get a sentence out and seriously lacks emotion.





Ai

(no subject)

I haven't smoked a cig in a week.

I think I'm over them.

I just know as soon I get into a car with Liz she'll spark one up and I'll be as tempted as ever...

Ahhh why does quitting have to be so hard? Most of the time it's easy but fuck me this is wicked hard.
Ai

(no subject)

So I know some of you have known my idea of just getting away.

I'm going to try to save money as soon as I pay back those to who I owe.

I REALLY REALLY want to just move to Amsterdam...by myself. I'm so sick of the U.S. I just need to get out.
Ai

(no subject)

I think I'm loosing touch with reality. It's just slipping through my fingers like little shards of glass. Slicing my inner soul. I feel as if I lost my personality...like it never existed. I think I'm going nuts...I'm losing the people I care about most. The worst feeling however is that I know I really am not myself anymore.


I want to believe that I'm ok...everything's cool. I just notice day by day that I progress worse and worse.

I'm going to get blood work done...I think my thyroid is out of whack...cause this just isn't me.